The Frivolous Cake

I have recently fallen in love with this blog.

In other news, I had completely forgotten that I always used an lj client when posting way back in the day. I haven't used, and as a result have completely forgotten, HTML since the mid 1990s.

I've been writing a bit more often as of late but nothing of any importance so I suppose it cancels itself out. I'm stuck feeling lonely and increasingly bitter, yet I continue to enforce my only-at-arm's-length policy. I almost never answer the phone anymore, even if (sometimes especially if) it's a family member. I am constantly playing tug of war with myself about pretty much everything. I try to speak about myself in clinical monotones to hide how pathetic I feel. I haven't left my house since March 3rd. On a more positive note, I've found a few forums recently that focus on intelligent discussion about any number of things, so I spend a lot of time there as a replacement for the classes I can no longer take but was bored with anyway.

first order of business:

legerdemain (lĕj'ər-də-mān')
1. Sleight of hand.
2. A show of skill or deceitful cleverness: financial legerdemain.

[Middle English legerdemayn, from Old French leger de main : leger, light (from Vulgar Latin *leviārius, from Latin levis) + de, of (from Latin dē; see de–) + main, hand; see mortmain.]

per answers.com (which just happens to be the default dictionary thingie that opera uses.)

second order of business:

i am positively abuzz with excitement. i have discovered anne sexton and i think i love her. oh my super fantastic muffin sister, you always give me the most wonderful presents. i don't think mere peaches (!) will ever do. my undying love, you has it.*









*you had it anyway but still! shiny!


PSx2: is anyone else doing earth hour tomorrow?

so norman mailer won the literary review's bad sex award for The Castle in the Forest. more specifically, for the following paragraph:

“Klara turned head to foot, and put her most unmentionable part down on his hard-breathing nose and mouth, and took his old battering ram into her lips. [Into her lips?] Uncle was now as soft as a coil of excrement. She sucked on him nonetheless with an avidity that could come only from the Evil One— that she knew. From there, the impulse had come. So now they both had their heads at the wrong end, and the Evil One was there. He had never been so close before. The Hound began to come to life. Right in her mouth. It surprised her. Alois had been so limp. But now he was a man again! His mouth lathered with her sap, he turned around and embraced her face [embraced her face?] with all the passion of his own lips and face, ready at last to grind into her with the Hound, drive it into her piety, yes, damn all piety, thought Alois—damned church-mouse wife, damned church!—he was back from the dead—some kind of miracle, he was all there, his pride equal to a sword. This was better than a storm at sea!"

i am simply stunned. that has to be one of the worst things i've ever read. seriously, just no.

just a few nifty links for anyone who happens to stumble upon them:

apparently i'm an idealist and there are some pretty nifty things out there that i've never heard of.

you intimidate me with your five-hundred dollar pumps and your conservative sweater sets. your soft, whisper of a voice and your slim, neat pencil skirts moving about your spacious office with-a-view with such easy grace and i feel small inside my too-large body and you find me in all of my secret hiding places with your eyes. i'm trembling and vulnerable and staring at the floor and you ask me how school is going. school is not going, thank you very much and no, i'm not sleeping as well as i would like but better than last year so i won't complain. visibly shaking and sweating, i agree to make another appointment in six months and then i walk as fast as my short, stubby legs will carry me to the ladies room down the hall and lock myself in a stall and try to remember how to breathe.

i didn't really forget about the december appointment, i just couldn't face you that day.

i'm sorry.

so i begin again, always running, running from people, truths, secrets, identification. i crave closeness and fear it at the same time so there is constantly an internal tug of war. ok, that's enough emo for the first post, my apologies. i wish i knew how to do all that fancy design stuff so i could make this thing pretty.


ps - miss v always has the niftiest toys! i spent my entire afternoon yesterday playing with librarything! good stuff.